Sometimes you just need a kick in the ass... right?!?
This morning I read a post on Facebook, because we all know how trustworthy that is ;) But it was a post that has been haunting me all day. 'Faith' posted an article written by a woman who says that she wished that she would have aborted her Son if she had known the troubles that her family would encounter. In her case, it was having a child born with Down Syndrome. 'Faith' went on to say that she commiserates and identifies with the writer and would have chosen a 'different route' (meaning terminating her pregnancy) if she would have known how hard life would be for her child. This 'Mom' posted these statements on Facebook for all to see - including her children. There is no taking this back. She has two children. One that does no live with her (and who is largely ignored by her) and the Son that she would have aborted. The child that does not live with her is talented, smart and on the verge of becoming an adult. The child that lives with her has mild learning disabilities -- but is in main-stream school and doing fine -- and has some health issues. Are you kidding me?? ALL children have their strengths and weaknesses. ALL children are unique. You're lamenting that because YOUR child is not YOUR definition of 'PERFECT' that it would have saved him (and YOU) a lot of work and heartache? Wake up, honey. ALL children are far-from perfect. Children do NOT fit into a certain mold.
We've all been caught up in comparing what one child can do compared to another. I am guilty of this. I have been focusing on my Daughter's inability to write legibly. Shouldn't she be writing fluently in 1st grade? Should she be crying when asked to write? All kids her age are writing... there it is. The comparison. She is an ACE at Math, loves science and is doing GREAT in 1st grade. But, here I am, making that leap to say, "She's not like the other kids her age." Insert royal butt-kicking for me to be thinking this way. My Godson is in 2nd grade and was struggling with reading, but, this year, he has a great public school teacher and she has been able to 'reach' him like no other. Then my best friend has to throw in, "But he still writes like a axe murderer!" See? ALL children have something that is not up to par...
Would I have chosen a 'different route' knowing that my Daughter would suffer through a portion of her life with no hearing? Or that she would have asthma so bad that it would land her in the hospital more times than I'd like to count? Was 'keeping her' a form of child abuse because I have subjected her to a life like this?
Oh, hell no.
My Son fits the 'typical' mould. We were blessed with a loving, smart, giving child who always got good grades, never really got into trouble and is about to graduate from college in a profession that he loves. Our Daughter? She has given us a run for our money. She has tested our patience, brought us to our knees, enlightened us and helped us grow. Would I want her to be the typical girl? Oh, hell no. Children cause you the most worry/heartache because they are yours. All parents will obsess about their child not writing as well as another, or playing like others, etc. But, why would we want our children to be cookie cutters of each other? So what if your kid writes like an axe murderer - if he is one of the kindest little boys, then you need to pat yourself on the back (and my best friend acknowledges this and is extremely proud of her Son).
I have been following the journey of a family who has a little girl (the same age as my Daughter) who has cancer. She is in remission, but they have been struggling with so many health problems that go hand-in-hand with cancer/remission... would they have chosen a 'different route' knowing that they could spare their Daughter from this awful disease? I'll bet you any money they would say, 'NO' - we'll get through this because we can't imagine life without her. I'm sure that they would have loved to spare their child all of the pain, but not at the expense of never having her. So in the eyes of 'Faith' -- is that child abuse?
Our children, as you know, don't come with instruction manuals. When you decide to have a child, you throw the dice and hope for the best knowing that whatever short-comings s/he may have, you can deal with it because YOU are the parent and s/he is counting on you.
Unless you are looking out for your own well-being instead; then you are right -- you should have chosen a different route BEFORE you decided to get pregnant. The moment that you become pregnant it is no longer about YOU. Get over it and help your child no matter what. You think that by following a 'different path' that you could have saved him/her from ill-health/peer pressure/etc.? Now you are just fooling yourself.
Life is hard.
It is our job as parents to HELP our children learn, live and grow no matter what s/he face. It's not easy -- but the perks are beyond awesome.
So, for 'Faith' all I can say is, YOU are doing a dis-service to your children. THEY LEARN from you. By letting the world know that you would have chosen a 'different route' will only satisfy your need to whine/complain about your life, and hurt your children beyond anything that you could ever imagine.
I'm going to go see if my perfect Daughter would like to try and write like an axe-murderer... or, maybe we'll just go eat pizza ;)
We all have different paths to journey down. I just feel bad for the children that are seen as something less-than-perfect.
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