Flu + 'Testing' = Are you Kidding Me?

I got the flu.
I got the flu shot, so how did I get the flu?
I blame it on mandatory testing/writing class.
The writing assignment was assigned shortly after the last 'Skype' session with the over-seeing instructor.  I'm a writer.  I should have jumped at this assignment with utmost enthusiasm -- but the assignment wasn't for me.  It was for my 5-year-old.  Yes.  My Daughter had to create a story complete with an outline.  My head started hurting... and then the 'instructions' arrived for 'administering' the DIBLES testing that we 'failed' during our Skype session.  Here come the stomach cramps...
The game plan was to 'conquer' a portion of the story each day.  We spent time 'brainstorming' and I took notes.  Should she have written down the items we were discussing? Of course, but, then again, SHE IS 5.  I knew this process was not going to be a good learning experience - it was going to be a 'there, I satisfied the rules' mess.
And then the flu took over my life for nearly one week.
Sarah got to learn - but not at our usual pace.  And we totally skipped the writing... which leads us to today.
I am not a crunch-time finisher.  I do not understand people who say that they didn't have time to make/get a present for birthday/Christmas/Anniversary/etc.  The dates don't change.  They're there every year at the same time.  I know when things must be accomplished by, so I begin as soon as possible to ensure the least amount of stress.... but, here we are now.  It is now the last minute.
It is crunch time.
Testing must be done.
Story must be written.
This sucks.
Remember that fun learning that we were doing?  Sorry, kiddo, in order to satisfy the educational system that we have stepped into, we have to throw a kink into it.  You are going to hate it.  You are going to learn that education isn't always fun.
Wait.
What is wrong with that entire paragraph??
Most people would glance at it and say, "Yep - that's life. At least she's learning it now."  Or, "You can't shelter your kids forever."
I am not trying to 'shelter' my daughter.
I am trying to instill a love for learning that will catapult her leaps and bounds beyond the mediocrity that seems acceptable for so many.
Because we signed on to be a part of a virtual charter academy, I know that we have hoops that we must jump through.
We completed the story.
It was not fun.
I promise to make story-writing fun from now on.  I want Sarah to understand that she has the ability to make magic with her words.
We then began the DIBLES testing.
Sarah had to identify letters.  She looked at me like I had three heads.  Yes, honey- I know that you know these, just bear with me for a bit.
Sarah then went on to read words.  She had twenty seconds left after she had finished. Yes.  My Daughter is a kick-ass reader at the age of 5.
And then the most asinine part of the test.  Read nonsense words.
What?
Why?
The official response to that question: To make sure she knows the sounds that the letters make.
She does.
We still have to test that.
No, trying to read made-up/misspelled words will confuse an early-reader, I do not want to do the test, it will negatively impact her learning.
I stand my ground.
I think our teacher hates us.

The Writing Gene

Parent/Teacher Conference: Epic Fail

Today I Skyped with our 'Teacher.'
Aren't you the teacher?
Kind of.
I am the 'Learning Coach.'
What does that mean?
I teach her math, science, reading/phonics, art, social studies, history, writing, physical fitness, music... but I am just a coach.  I understand this.  We have a 'teacher' because I only have degrees in English and can teach (and have taught) at the university level and do not carry a state of Michigan license to teach.  Yes, I could go back to school for an additional 2 years of schooling to get that endorsement, but I really do not want to incur any more college debt (I still have $50,000 in loans to be paid...), but I digress.  Our 'teacher' is based in lower Michigan and we follow a curriculum on-line.  I must provide attendance for each school day and record our productivity.  It sounds complicated, but, really, it's not.  We 'attend' homeroom once per week via internet - and we don't have to be there at a certain time if we don't want to - which is good - we have never made it to a 'live' homeroom.  We do watch it every week and make sure that our attendance reflects it.
What set me off today?
A miserable conference.
Do you know what it's like to turn on your webcam and get a glimpse of yourself in mid-panic?  Yep.  That was me today.  My Daughter was having a melt down.  She didn't want to take time away from dancing.  I hadn't prepared her, as I should have, for the conference call.  I know better.  I should have told her that morning... after lunch... an hour before... thirty minutes before...  ten minutes... five minutes... But, no.  I forgot that she needs to prepare for things -  baths, going outside, reading, etc.  Having things 'sprung' on her is not a way to get her cooperation.
At 3:30, there I was, cup of coffee and notebook next to me when her teacher popped up for our chat and asked where Sarah was.  Huh?  OH MY GOD - I forgot that Sarah would be tested for the first ten minutes on her phonics.  The child who I had been teaching turned into a screaming, bratty alien who suddenly forgot that music begins with an 'M' and that drum begins with a 'D' and not a 'G.'  Rather than think of my poor child, I thought of myself.  What will the teacher think?  Will she think I've been cheating on the daily attendance?  That I've lied to her (and everyone who would listen) that my darling Sarah is reading?!  After a few minutes, her loving teacher dismissed her and got me back in view... would I mind conducting the testing this weekend?  She'll send the supplies via email... I nodded and dejectedly replied.  I had wanted to show the 'teacher' that we were Amazing - dare I say Genius for this age -- and instead, I got a reminder that I am not the star of this show - it is my Daughter.  The 'teacher' understands that Sarah is being TAUGHT by me and only 'sees' her teacher once every few months (this was our second time on Skype with her).  My Daughter was being shy and nervous, which resulted in silliness.  The teacher knew how to handle this - it was to turn over the reigns to someone who teaches this little girl on a daily basis: her real Teacher.
I'm learning every day...